A Princess in the Making

yao :)

2005-06-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

Today is the worst day I've ever encountered in this semester. Really. When I say worst, it is really WORST. I would surely die if I'll know that there is something worse than worst. Hah. And someone actually thinks that today's wonderful? Oh honestly, what are you twelve? Or is this just a strong proof that the world hates me?

My Reasons for hating today:

1) Lack of sleep (4 hours only because of Berna!)

2) My feet hurts! I walked all the way from Espana to Dapitan and vice-versa.

3) I received an indecent text message from someone who I thought has already changed. Apparently, he's still the same. :(

4) I just simply hate Chemistry.

5) I hate somebody from my class cause he's so.. he's so.. I don't know how to describe it. Matty, Nico and Marilynne can you describe him for me?

6) I am tired

7) I don't want to attend my PE class tomorrow morning. Does this means I'll hate tomorrow too?

But.. There's a good thing.

I saw YAO :) Thanks Marvs and baby Kim for the pic :)

2005-06-28T06:10:00.000-08:00

Well. That's it. My life is over.

I would like to thank all of those who stood by me during the hard times: Matty and Nico, back before they became the best blackmailers in the world, Ms. Lampa for attempting to salvage my quiz yesterday (As if), and Shameeka for just being, well, Shameeka, even if she is totally useless when compared to the animals in Miracle Pets.

(As if)

But nobody else. Everybody else I know is obviously part of some nefarious plot to drive me to madness, just like Bertha Rochester in Jane Eyre's.

Take him, for example. Him, who shows up again one day, and first thing, asks me for my contact number and tells me his new one and asks me to go and see him. (and and and) Oh for God's sake isn't he aware that I once liked him? And now well, I've totally (Okay, somehow not totally) managed to have a diversion away from *ehem* but OMG this is just worse. Thinking about one person can drive you nuts, Let alone two?

Oh.. I forgot about our Chemistry journal. How can I still think about this when I have to finish that tonight for its due on Wednesday? Plus the quiz! Oh I mean QUIZZES! Thank you Ms. Lampa.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with the woman. She is completely IMPOSSIBLE.

My sane days are over. And so I am afraid, is my life.

Mission update! ;)

2005-06-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

* Queen Of Diamonds *

( Based on Sir Marasigan's Class )

Eww my font color's too light down there. See? Im going to change it later dont worry. So.. its been a century! ;) Howdie guys? I'm back I'm back! :)

Today has been.. uhmm.. what? Today wasn't that bad. We watched Monster-In-Law! Enjoy. Too bad Timmy wasn't there, her bf came to visit her. :) Ugh.. I'll write back again later okay? Gotta talk with MG and RJ. ;)

I can only dream about being the Queen of Hearts because I can never be. The Queen needs a King. And I have nobody..

No Title For This One

2005-04-21T11:35:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I'm currently addicted to a PC game right now, but I won't tell you what it is. ='>

I prefer to spend my time offline nowadays cause of recent happenings that has really affected me, so that would mean sorry, I wouldn't have much time to update my blog from time to time :/

It's great to know that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be out on July 16, and me, being a lover of JK Rowling's writings has made the reservation at National Bookstore yesterday which cost me P500, downpayment only. The book is really P1499. Kinda expensive eh? I'll pay the remaining amount once I get the book.

Anyways, hmm. I can't write anything at the moment, maybe later. :)

The masks I wear.

2005-04-16T23:00:00.000-08:00

Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks- masks that I’m afraid to take off and none of them are me. Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me but don’t be fooled, for God’s sake, don’t be fooled. I give you the impression that I’m secure that all is sunny and unruffled with me within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one. But don’t believe me. Please! My surface maybe smooth but my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and ever-concealing mask. Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence. Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weaknesses and fear exposing them. That’s why I frantically create my masks to hide behind. They’re nonchalant, sophisticated facades to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation and I know it.

That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, and if it’s followed by love. It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself from my own self-built prison walls I dislike hiding, honestly I dislike the superficial game I’m playing, the superficial phony game. I’d really like to be genuine and me. But I need your help, your hand to hold even though my masks would tell you otherwise. That glance from you is the only thing that assures me of what I can’t assure myself that I’m really worth something.

But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh and your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing, that deep-down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good and you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game with a façade of assurance without, and a trembling child within. So begins the parade of masks, the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that’s nothing and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me. So when I’m going through my routine do not be fooled by what I’m saying please listen carefully and try to hear what I’d like to say but what I can not say. It will not be easy for you, long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong. The nearer you approach me, the bilnder I may strike back. Despite what books say of men, I am irrational; I fight against the very thing that I cry out for. You wonder who I am. You shouldn’t for I am every man and every woman who wears a mask.

2005-04-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

Today's not a bad day and its not a good one too. Oh well, I was lying. Much more of the bad side. I'm not feeling well, but I'll be okay.

Woke up early, around 6 AM and left home around 7 AM. I have to be in UST by 8:30 AM. I missed seeing Prince cause I have to leave UST before 12PM. Although I had quite a fancy talk with Nica, Herby and Marco. : )

Hmm.. I went to Greenhills hoping I would find resin beads there. But to my dismay, I didn't. Only bought 2 bottles of nail polish, 2 prepaid cards, hair accessories, flipflops, and a pink-feathery-cellphone accessory. Of course I was still thinking about my past problem I've been dealing days ago. I really think its not over yet even after the exchange of im-sorrys.

So I had an early time off the internet last night, but it doesn't mean that I went to sleep early. Blame it to the offer I've received last night from Media Organization Development Entertainment & Leadership Structure . Looking back at my blog, I wrote something about me wanting to be a uhmm, no need to mention. It never made me sleep until 1:30AM, leaving me 4 1/2 hours of sleep.

I' m one step closer to my dream, yet I was thinking. Do I really fit in? I still have to convince myself that I do, but I just can't. Now I don't know which to do, take the step ahead or should it be, I'm taking the next bus? Why would I let this people single me out? They might haven't noticed my super unperfect built behind the sundress I was wearing. What made them think I have what it takes to be one? Foolish.

Up to now I still don't know which to do. Confused, yea. In a matter of time, a lot of things can change.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANESSA! LOVE YOU CUZ! : )

Now You Ought To Know

2005-04-14T22:15:00.000-08:00

Yea I know. I was the one who's wrong. I was the one who's a worthless friend not being able to do the things that SHE might have done, if you asked for her fucking help. Don't try to think that I don't care about you and that I am mad at you right now for God's sake. I wish I don't have to care about this and I wish I don't care about you. But its all pure wish, and right now, my wishes are so out-of-reality, much more of an impossibility.

Okay, you might be reading this by now. I'm sorry. I know you don't want to be caught hanging on the cliff. Well I was about to tell it to you actually, but shit happens. Seemed like you never want to talk to me. Yea I pissed you off, but as far as I can remember, we're always talking like that but you've never been pissed enough like that not to talk to me. And many things came running into my mind like "Okay, she's the best now. You've chosen to talk to her, not me. Okay. Fine. I'll shut up now." Well I can't help but be a paranoid, you told me and she told me too that you guys we're talking. I know I don't have the right to feel this way but yes, I was jealous.

Jealous because of the fact that she can do things for you like attending whatever you'll be having on Saturday and according to her she might have saved you from the man up there on 4th floor, the one who let you down last semester. All because of these and much more I felt really bad. How about me? I haven't done anything.

For all I know, I was the one you called "GAGO" but I'm not mad or anything.

About the thing that you don't wanna be caught hanging on the cliff or what you call "bitin", of course it was all about her again and her nasty remarks she was giving you during that very time. Whatelse? Whoelse? No one else but her.

So as of now, we're not talking. Yea. Thank you very much.

I am worthless, and she makes me feel I am. And with you like that, its an addition to what I am feeling.

....the very best friend I have that I'm afraid I've lost. Yes, its you.

Blogging Again. :)

2005-04-13T12:49:00.000-08:00

Haven't blog for a century.

At least I don't need to undergo rehabilitation programs for net addiction right? Hmm. Good. :)

I'm busy reading the 800+ pages Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix. I've bought this book months ago but I never had the chance to read it due to school-related stuffs. So I guess now's the perfect time to catch up with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore and he who-must-not-be-named, Voldemort. I'll tell you guys once I'm done, I started reading yesterday and I've only read up to page 216. Long way to go ehh?

So I still feel the same for this person, I didn't expected that he'll be like that to me. I mean.. After all, we've been thru everything I guess. Been thru that kind of stuff many times before too, but he has never reacted like that. Weird. Huh. No one could understand what I'm talking about here, so I won't make sense in any way. He's the only one who knows the whole story anyway.

I changed my template last night, hehe. The song's doesn't go well with the skin I know, but I like the song. So just like it for me too. =P

Byoki desu. Sayonara.

Coincidence.

2005-04-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

Pheew. Got home at around 12 AM last night and slept at around 2:30 and its all because of YM again. If I were to meet YM's inventors I would really say thanks. Haha. *No I don't hate them like what you're thinking. haha.*

Oh well, I just got back from church. FYI, I'm soon to be canonized as Saint Roxy. haha kiddin :)

So I checked my friendster like what I always do everyday. Plus, I visited his profile again. I told myself days ago that I'd forget him. Well at least temporarily. I wouldn't do the stupid catch anymore. That's just my point there. That's my means of forgetting him. Ohh.. Friendster's so stupid to be able to generate this joint horoscope thingy, and look what I've got for the two of us..

"Determination is one thing, but getting your teeth in and refusing to let go is quite another. This kind of fixation figures prominently between the two of you at the moment, and it's a little hard to see how to get past it. Courage, friends; where there's a will, there's a way, and there's definitely a will here (even if it's too much of one). Try coming at the issue from the bottom up. If you can get at its foundation, you may see that this whole thing is really about something else altogether."

Uhm.. COINCIDENCE. That's just a coincidence Roxy. Nothing more and nothing less.

Oh well.. Tonight we'll be going to Rolling Hills to bring my eldest brother to Joelle's house. They'll be off to Puerto Galera tomorrow early in the morning and yes, I'm on my envy mode again. Haha well I guess that's normal right? It's summer time. What the hell am I doing here at home?

I've checked my mail and I found this one..

"To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another. To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands."

YES. I don't have the power. I can't control him.

Sigh.

I Wanna Be a SUPERMODEL!

2005-04-09T17:16:00.000-08:00

Billboards are everywhere. They're all over the city. It's really no wonder why being a model is one of people's top aspirations today. And I am no exception. I've wanted to be a model ever since I was aware of my height. And that was since... forever. Blame it on my family members and friends who are generous with compliments. "Konti na lang, pwede na."

Well this is just one of my many dreams. I'm not waiting for realization though, its kinda impossible now. Dreams are dreams. :)

Oh btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMILLE! :)

Catch You Later Jez.

2005-04-08T23:37:00.000-08:00

Hmm. I hate today. I woke up so late. I didn't even had the energy to get out of my freaking bed. Not until the clock striked 11AM. I had peach waffle for breakfast and it was like lunch time already. I just don't wanna dissapoint my freshly-grad HRM brother who's feeling like a realtime chef today.

I played Tangram, an ancient Chinese puzzle made up of 7 pieces. Hay. Today's really boring.

Oh well. I've been like this for the past few days. I really don't know why. Oh I was lying. I know why. Its all about him.Yea. But it seems like this will take me nowhere.

Current YM Status: Jez is forgotten and will be forgotten until classes resumes.

So I've decided. I would refrain from doing things that's Jez-related. So much for that. I've had enough for 2 weeks. I feel like I'm such a loser doing those things. If you don't wanna know me, then maybe that's it. ~~Over~~. Uhm not over, temporarily over maybe until classes resumes.

So, look. I edited my template. It's kinda not that polished yet, I will. Maybe tomorrow. Nico told me that my past template was so boyish. Now this is what you call girlish. *beh*

Hmm. I was browsin on my friendster page when I came into the Horoscopes. Man that's dork-y. Well it says "The bottom line isyou won't get far by standing still. Pull your shoes on and get moving, already!" Hmm.. Are you on the same level as I am?Are you also thinking what I'm thinking?

So.. Boring day even in YM. Since that message is posted as my YM status, my YM talks with friends just like Matty is like lifeless. Yea. Living a life without Jez is hard eventhough we're not that close. Hard. But I'll try.

Welcome Boredom. Welcome Sadness.

The Drama Queen is On

2005-04-07T22:46:00.000-08:00

NOW SHOWING: THE DRAMA QUEEN starring ROXY

-Oh.. I'm not Lindsay.-

I think I'm sick. I've been feeling this since I got home from the mall yesterday. Hay. It was the first time I hated the mall so much. I was feeling tired that's why. I've only had less than 3 hours of sleep that day and going to the mall wasn't that much of help.

As of now, I'm not yet in the mood to type. Its been 2 weeks since I got the chance to talk to him.

Damn. I really miss him.

Btw, took this test online. How Much Drama Queen Are You? I ended up with a 40%. It says "According to your answers on the test, you are given to the occasional dramatic outburst. You seem to have days when you are calm and rational, yet others when you ride a temporary roller coaster of emotion. Yes, sometimes you overreact. Perhaps you are more sensitive in certain areas, like your love life or health. Or maybe you go a tad over-the-top during certain times of high stress (or fluctuating hormones... and this happens to both men and women!). Whatever the case, it would certainly be beneficial to keep the theatrics to a minimum. Going over-the-top can spice up your life but it also can cause unnecessary stress. When you're on the verge of freaking out, take a deep breath and consider how things fit into the big picture. Is it really worth it?"

So that's it.

Depressed.

2005-04-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

Give up now, tomorrow will be worse.

Fools would say it was a depressing philosophy, but I find it to be very true.

Yea. That's what I'm feeling now. I'm depressed. Not on the mood to write.

It's 10:43 PM and I'll go to bed. Good night. =(

Tatlong araw.

2005-04-04T13:15:00.000-08:00

"tatlong araw lang pala.. ako naging maligaya.. di ko man lang napuna.. tatlong araw ko'y tapos na.. tatlong araw lang pala.. di man lang ginawang lima.. di ko man lang napuna tatlong araw ko'y tapos na.."

Tatlong Araw. A famous song of a local band, Parokya Ni Edgar. Coincidence or whatever, but this is another fool's philosophy. Yet I find it to be very true.

DAY 1: March 19, 2005, Saturday

He txtd me. Who-are-you stages. After that, We're okay and we're talking like we know each other for a long time. He even asked me about my Holy Week plans and all. 7pm-11pm.

DAY 2: March 20, 2005, Sunday

He sent me a chain message that's supposed to be sent to 5 special persons. Yea, just like what Patrick said, people sometimes send it randomly. Nothing special about it. Yea right. He asked me to add him up at friendster. Even explained why his email add's like that. Turned out the name attached to his name is a name he really likes. Its a boy's name anyway.

DAY 3: March 24, 2005, Thursday

I txtd him. I was about to tell a friend I'm giving up on him cause he's not replying. And when I was about to hit SEND, I received a txt message on my other phone, It was him. I was happy of course. I was on a road trip and he was just at home that night. We talked about Medtech life that night and our summer plans.

The end.

Mauulit pa kaya yun? Madadagdagan pa kaya yang tatlong araw na yan?

Currently.

2005-04-03T11:41:00.000-08:00

Haven't blogged for a century. Ugh. Busy.

Ugh what's new with me..

Nothing.

Im still eyeing him. What the? Eyeing? I haven't even seen him for days. Labo.

So the other night I was out with Bernadette, Chini and her classmates *J-Ann, Trish, Corrine, Dada, Pam, Bryan, Vincent and the others*. I had fun. I went home around 11:30. So much for that.

Uhm..

After 5 hours of sleep I'm currently:

Enjoying Globe's Txt and Call all U Want promo. *as well as Sun's, no I'm not an addict!*

Thinking of a perfect gift for Camille.

Eating a Caramel Bar.

Drinking C2 Green Tea-Apple.

Talking with Erick, Emong, Elaine and Nicci.

Listening to Rock It by Master P.

Thinking again about my next literary piece. *Rox, ano ka writer?! Haha*

Oh Well.. Drained and half my brain's working...

Kuya's Grad

2005-03-30T23:16:00.000-08:00

Wheew. Woke up early today for my eldest brother's graduation. 3 AM. *panda eyes* Still, its okay. Finally, he's already a hotelier and restaurateur. Kuya Rod's a lucky man. He's got a business at the tender age of 20. Worth my puffy panda eyes. : )

Arrived at our pad near UST's walls at around 4 AM. We bought flowers for my brother's uhm special friend. As usual, I'm on my envy mode again. When will I receive such beautiful flowers? Oh well.. Had a super early breakfast at Wendy's since its open 24 hours a day. So was already there waiting for us. His real name's not So, Its actually Christopher. But we got used to calling him by his surname, So. Haha. : )

Arrived at PICC earlier than expected. Still with my panda eyes. Hihi. : ) I Saw my brother's friends. Talked to some of them. And went inside the Plenary Hall. My other brother and I got the orange tickets -guests area- while my parents got the green ones -parents area-. The solemn investiture started at 7:15 AM. There were so many laughtrip moments during the ceremony lalo na sa Philippine flag. Haha.

But something caught my attention.. Before the investiture ended, A Magna Cum Laude with the name Christina made her Address of Thanks. She was talking about the problems of youth nowadays. Being satisfied with mediocrity. Cramming. Going to school just to sit and not even pay attention to what the professor's talking about. Uhm, lets just put it this way.. This has probably become my wake-up call. No need to elaborate. Thanks to Christina. Eventhough she was talking about her stagefright, she still managed to made an impact on all the people inside the Plenary Hall.

I remember myself graduating from HS a year ago. I remember myself leading the Pledge of Loyalty. I was once a industrious student. I don't know what's happening to me today, but I will try my best to change. And oh, is buying The Essentials Of Physiology and Human Anatomy book for the next semester and reading its first chapter already a step towards my change of ways? I'm proud I did that today! :)

Back to my brother's graduation.. Picture time! Ugh.. My brother's bestfriend, my ex-crush hugged me! Haha! After almost 5 hours of waiting for my brother's graduation ceremony to end, we had the best buffet lunch ever!

I still haven't uploaded the pics, maybe tomorrow. : )

Oh BTW, Its been 9 days since I last saw HIM and 6 days since I last talked to HIM. Need I say more? I miss HIM.

I may crash along the way, still I need to continue the travel in anyway.

Weird.

2005-03-29T18:23:00.000-08:00

Ugh. It seems like almost everyone’s showing withdrawal symptoms from chat. Where is everyone? What’s happening to you guys? Oh c’mon. It’s summer. It’s the time of the year wherein you can stay in front of your PC forever. How come you have the time for this before, when classes are still on?

Labo-ness.

Jose is right that people are getting nicer and nicer nowadays. Somebody even gave me cellphone credits out of the blue today. Even told me that he'll get mad if I won't accept it. Hah! If there's an adjective that would best decribe him, its kinder than kind! ;)

One moment please. I haven't seen him for like 8 days. And my guy friends are lucky they saw him this morning at the UST Health Service. POP.

Roxanne’s Mind: Heart! Repeat after me. “Guys are NOT the antidote; they are ONLY icing on the cake. Quit that game, player, and realize that the prize to be won is you. Save that for the best."

Roxanne’s Heart: But J.A. will always be J.A. and Roxanne will always be Roxanne. And I told you, He’s the only one for me. He’s nice and he’s the next best thing that could ever happen to me.

Roxanne’s Mind: True! But then again aren’t you overlooking the other side of the situation, why not try to open your eyes around you to see the people who are there to love you?

Roxanne’s Heart: You have the wrong idea. I seek the company of a special love. A love that can bring me joy, contentment and satisfaction. A love that I can give out and never run out of! A love of another person that will give me happiness. Basically and technically speaking, that another person is him!

Roxanne’s Mind: Then what are you waiting for? Why don’t you start giving out your love to him?

Roxanne’s Heart: Because the person I want to give it to doesn’t seem to want it. I’m tired.. I’m tired of this feeling! I’m tired of being like this!

Roxanne’s Mind: I can bring joy to you, but it’s up to you whether you’ll accept it or not.

CUT!

“Never say goodbye when you still want to try. Never give up when you still feel you can take it. Never say you don’t like that person anymore when in fact you can’t take him out of your mind.”

Star Gazing

2005-03-27T18:37:00.000-08:00

"He keeps on staring back at me", I softly whispered. Maybe he likes me, maybe not. I quickly opened my bag to get my pocket mirror and see if there's something wrong on my face. Nothing, except for gleaming eyes and blushing cheeks. I pretended to ignore him but his serious, tantalizing dreamy set of eyes and bushy eyebrows are simply irresistible! I couldn't help but chuckle.

As I gently sipped on my orange juice and turned the pages of my Botany book I am reading, I caught a glimpse of him talking and smiling wryly to his companion. Wow, he has perfectly aligned pearly white set of teeth held together by those metal brackets behind those thin red lips! I lowered my head a bit to get a better look at him. I didn't notice that his semi-shaved head illuminated his flawless face.

He is perfect, I muttered. I heaved a sigh. I browsed again on the book I have and was surprised to see him wearing a Shakespeare in Love-inspired attire on the CD-cover that served as an invitation a friend gave me months ago. Goodness, gracious, he's the next best thing! He then looked intently at me again and was smiling. A gorgeous, tall man smiling at you, what could be better than that? Just looking back at him too made me bit my lower lip.

What a man, I thought. I wouldn't think twice going out on a date with him. He's the kind of man with a fan website and makes girls go crazy over his natural charm which was then brought into the light when he joined the contest last December. Sleek, smooth, svelte, that's him. Suddenly, our eyes met. Time stood still. It seemed that we are the only persons in the room. My heart started to beat faster. It was harder to breathe. I began to perspire and my hands were clammy.

There where butterflies on my stomach. I got tongue tied and could not find the perfect word to say on that fleeting moment. Complete silence.

What's this I am feeling? I deliberately asked myself. I drifty wondered. Could it be I'm finally falling in-love? But how could it be when I am only ogling on a picture of him, a gorgeous Medical Technology student on my computer desktop?

Sources of My Bright Smile Today :)

2005-03-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

Woke up kinda late than normal. I've spent the night away with Jose,Toph and Emong. Now I've proven that in the midst of your loneliness, friends are really there for you to act goofy with. And I thank you guys for that.

Jose, the drama queen. I'm always on the Senti Mode when I'm talking with this queen. But, Stop Bullshitting me Jose! haha! Funny and Laugh trip pa rin.. That's Jose, always showing me the brighter side of life. And I love you for that my dear sister! Tawa na lang tayo. ;)

Topher, my dear blockmate and constant YM buddy. He has never failed to make me laugh. OMG Toph you're so great! Haha. Dreams are dreams. And I've shared a lot of stories with him na, especially when its about hmm. You know what it's all about. I'm glad to say that we're not on the Cliche level. Hehe ;)

Emong, although I prefer to call him Edmond is the ex-Xaverian guy I met recently. He's gigantic and I know and I can see that there's more to him beneath the "facade".

_eMoNg_ (12:36:58 AM): wala

_eMoNg_ (12:37:02 AM): cute ako

_eMoNg_ (12:37:03 AM): whahahhahaah

Haha okay, you are. To you Emong, I'm hoping to know you more better. Trade na tayo! ;)

Nico, my closest guy blockmate. He has been constantly pushing me to "GO". Ugh I'm sorry, I think I can't do that right now. Don't wanna be stereotyped by him as a flirt.

I'm going to find my happiness. I'm going to set myself free. But...

"I take one step away then I'll find myself coming back to you my one and only, one and only you.."

Confused.

2005-03-25T11:11:00.000-08:00

Ugh! Nothing, just felt the urge to post this.

What's up with Roxy?

Well. She's super happy right now. After 3 days, I've had the chance to talk to him again last night. I've got nothing more to ask for.

He still cares. Duh? I was about to give up on him, though that's like him. At the point of my sadness and when I'm about to give up, he'll give me reasons not to. Of course he's not aware of it. And I wouldn't let him know about it.

But here's the catch: If I won't txt, we won't talk. -somewhat similar to Rj's dilemma-

It has always been me. Well, he txtd me first once. But that's it. Never happened again.

I just wanted to get to know him and be friends with him. But seems like he doesn't want to? Or so I think.

Still, he asks me a lot of questions like where am I going to spend my vacation and he tells me stories too. And do smileys at the end of the message counts?

Oh well.. I'm confused. Still im happy.

I'm a person who's got SELF-CONTENTMENT anyway.

On a Lazy Thursday Afternoon.

2005-03-24T16:27:00.000-08:00

Its a lazy Thursday afternoon. Got nothing to do. Thanks to Jose, Timmy, JM, Topher, Hanie, Baby and Eya. Nagkaron naman ng saysay ang pagbabad ko sa YM. Although, I miss my orig YM buddies. Matoy and Nico! Where the hell are you guys?? Si Nico naman nag-online nga, pero di nangangausap! Sobrang galing magpamiss! Hmph!

Watson I hate you, Rj I hate you, Patrick I hate you! You don't wanna visit my blog! Hmph!

Oh btw, I found out something about my stupid ex! He's the most stupid person I've ever known! Who the hell are you para gawin mo yun? You're not that gwapo naman like HIM ah, feeling mo naman! Manloloko ka na lang uli, kaibigan ko pa! Fuck you! And you, miss flirty, alam mong may gf, pinatulan mo pa? Hay. Ang gulo na talaga ng mundo ngayon!

Haay. I'm so freaking bored here at home. And still I'm missing you! Yes you! You butthead! You, whose smile kills me slowly! Why are people so insensitive? Duh. Oo nga pala. How can he be sensitive eh di pa naman kami close. We've txted na nga, but still I know there's still that space that needs to be filled. Kelan kaya? Hopefully soon.

I've uploaded a new song here, dati midi lang. Ngayon buo na. Asenso. Thanks to Jose! I love you talaga!

Be back later guys! I won't be online tonight nga pala, God's calling me. Kailangang magpakabanal!

Have a blessed Holy Thursday! :)

Will I Run To You

2005-03-24T00:45:00.000-08:00

I've been dreaming for so long

To see you smile right back at me

FROM WHERE YOU ARE

I've been wishing for so long

To see you smiling back at me

Like I'm somebody special

Will I run to you?

Even if I'm losing hours of sleep

Even If I'm slowly fading away...

But its getting there,

its getting to me

and it's tearing me apart

Cause he doesn't know where to go

Will I run to you??

I miss you. I know you don't know that. That's why I'm telling you this now. I miss you.

Airhead.

2005-03-23T22:28:00.000-08:00

unnamed (10:24:37 PM): baket sha crush mo?!
unnamed (10:24:41 PM): maghanap ka nga ng mas maayos pa
unnamed (10:24:43 PM): wahahahahahaha
xl_rox_lx (10:24:49 PM): what are you talking about?!
xl_rox_lx (10:24:50 PM): he's a good man.
xl_rox_lx (10:24:51 PM): look for another one? why?!
unnamed (10:24:59 PM): eh tingnan mo naman
xl_rox_lx (10:24:59 PM): he's cute.
xl_rox_lx (10:25:02 PM): mabait pa.
unnamed (10:25:04 PM): mukhang ewan sya dyan
xl_rox_lx (10:25:04 PM): no, he's cute kaya.
xl_rox_lx (10:43:21 PM): pat im starting to hate you!
xl_rox_lx (10:43:26 PM): you're not on my side!
xl_rox_lx (10:43:30 PM): its so obvious!
unnamed (10:44:11 PM): rokssss
unnamed (10:44:17 PM): ish not that
unnamed (10:44:22 PM): hmph
unnamed (10:44:26 PM): wait lng
unnamed (10:44:29 PM): if i always agree with you, eh di ndi masaya
xl_rox_lx (10:46:34 PM): why do you hate him so much huh?
unnamed (10:47:01 PM) oh
unnamed (10:47:01 PM): my impression on him is he's a JOCK
unnamed (10:47:13 PM): jocks are airheads
unnamed(10:47:13 PM): hahahaha
xl_rox_lx (10:47:40 PM): JOCK?
xl_rox_lx (10:47:51 PM): why? i need your explanation
unnamed (10:48:17 PM): haha
unnamed (10:48:17 PM): he's tall.
unnamed (10:48:30 PM): he looks like he's good at basketball
unnamed (10:48:32 PM): and i think that's the only thing he's good at
unnamed (10:48:35 PM): sama ko ano?
unnamed (10:48:39 PM): im stereotyping
unnamed (10:48:43 PM): i take it all back
unnamed (10:48:46 PM): he's a good person and a good friend
unnamed (10:48:46 PM): wahahahhaha
xl_rox_lx (10:49:22 PM): unnamed: he looks like he's good at basketball --> PLS REPHRASE.
xl_rox_lx (10:49:26 PM): HE IS REALLY GOOD.
xl_rox_lx (10:49:43 PM): unnamed : and i think that's the only thing he's good at --> He's also a judoka, aren't you aware? His name even appeared in LENS.
unnamed (10:49:48 PM): fine. he's really good
unnamed (10:49:56 PM): so sue me man
unnamed (10:49:58 PM): i dont know he does judo
xl_rox_lx (10:50:07 PM): in fairness pat you're making me laugh!
xl_rox_lx (10:50:08 PM): hahaha
xl_rox_lx (10:50:14 PM): HE IS A JUDOKA, now you know.
unnamed (10:50:36 PM): oh
unnamed (10:50:36 PM): i stand corrected then
xl_rox_lx (10:51:24 PM): why are you so pikon!
unnamed (10:51:36 PM): im not
unnamed (10:51:42 PM): im just accepting that i was wrong about the guy

OOPS. stop na.

I really don't care if he's a jock or whatever you call him. Nothing can change the fact that he's the only one for me. Got it? If you guys know who he is, feel free to react. But if you have nothing good to say, you better get out of here. Haha. : )

2004-2005 Medtech Juniors I'll Miss You Guys So Much!

2005-03-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

April 1st is fast approaching! No more 3rd Year Medical Technology Students! Argh! By that time they're already at there different hospitals taking their internships. Who's gonna be at the org room then? Hay.. Sad life. But still, i'll see you every Tuesdays okay?

I will miss you guys so much.

My MTS Family (Onats -3B-, Babz -3F-, Derick -3H-, Tinie & Renward -3D-)

3HMT Judokas and friends? (not close, still I'll miss seeing them around campus. Dont even know where I got this pic. Ugh! I know what you're thinking, I'm not a stalker! haha.)

3GMT years ago. You guys look different huh. Youngsters! (Howard, JP, Eids, Crisel, Micki, Shine, Pao, where's Magic btw? )

Sad.

2005-03-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

Ugh I woke up late again. Like around 10:30am. I had a blast chatting with Matty and Nics last night that's why. Slept at around 2am. So yea. I fixed my room that was like ransacked by a group of bandits. Sobrang kalat. I'm not really a messy type of person kaya lang I haven't stayed here at "home" for quite sometime, that's why.

Heehee. After cleaning [that seemed like forever] I had my lunch and I found myself asleep on my beloved bed. It feels good to be home at last.

I've never heard anything from him and I'm so sad. I miss him. I saw him yesterday but I didnt had the guts to say hi. Argh. I won't see him til June 14. Poor me.

Anyways, I was thinking of changing my blogskin but I didn't. haha. Crazy.

Oh well.. Got nothing more to say. Bye! ;)

I Survived Botany

2005-03-21T21:10:00.000-08:00

Kingdom Plantae

Kingdom Protista

Bacillariophyta

Kingdom Monera

Basidiomycota

Genus Vaucheria

Genus Volvox

Genus Ephedra

Genus Welwitschia

Antheridia

Operculum

Bryophyta

Ulva lactuca

Anthocerophyta

Pterophyta

Lycoperdon

*******

I'm more than proud to say that
I, Marie Roxanne Q. Velasco, of 1-CMedical Technology has survived
BOTANY 102!

A Medical Technologist's Symptom

2005-03-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

Waking up in the middle of the night, with cold drops of sweat congregating on your forehead, ticking in your ears that develops into a loud resounding pounding sound. The feel of your hands, rather, not being able to feel your hands as they drop to a temperature of below 0 degrees Celsius (science lover, this obviously is a figure of speech). The seeming decline of oxygen in the air as you fight for each breathe. Alternately-breathing, thinking "I can do this". "Breathe". "I will do this". "Breathe".

Overly dramatic? Not exactly, I would personally like to see it as being worldy fortunate in the sense that I am able to convert the simple idea of stress, cramming and our day to day jitters into a commendable literary product. Yes this is the chosen life of a Medical Technology student. Addicted to the sleepless nights, to racking in the layers of eye bags, and to running and dragging around a heavy pile of books as you make known to the UST world that you have memorized every crack and falsely elevated area on the floor (try walking around with your eyes glued on notes for the next subjects exam..voila! Sheer talent) Phew! "Breathe." Amidst the naturally exhausting phrases just mentioned, one word stands out. CHOSEN. This is exactly what makes a Medical Technology student amazing as each of us are. We face our fears and we choose the challenge. A science course isn't exactly the most friendly road to take, but a science course with "the best pre-med course" tagged on to it definitely seems like suicide. Subjects taken into our curriculum are more heavily infused with the scientific jargon that learning them becomes more complicated. And, to add confusion to the already elaborate, med tech students mostly find use in the practical set up of the laboratory. We not only have to be intellectually well oiled up, but we have to be human "converters" at the same time, execute the principles we learn. It instantly entails big challenges to get by, and numerous expectations to live up to. A Medical Technology student knows his capabilities and makes the most out of them, he lives beyond the limits and LIVES OUTSIDE THE BOX. Whew! "Breathe!" Living outside the box doesn't only mean pushing the limits, but it can also mean changing the way you look at the box. Since hardships and days we could only wish would come to an end will always be there, adjusting to situations and learning to make the best out of mishaps will always have to be a talent of the students. See the different points of view. IMAGINE the options and expand your horizons.

Do things still sound ill-fatedly disturbing? For non Medical Technology students, I'm sure it does, but for those who have chosen "the way" know that our perseverance to work for our medical technology intellect and knowledge has hoped for nothing but to catch a glimpse of the "disease" in our journey. So allow yourself to catch the disease, live the course we love and love the course we chose to live.

Oh no.

2005-03-20T23:27:00.000-08:00

They say once you found true love never let it go. For it comes once in a lifetime and some says that true friends are hard to find. So what would it be? The friend I have in you or the love I have for you?

Not an Ordinary Day..

2005-03-19T23:31:00.000-08:00

Its the end of the semester. I woke up at 10:30 AM eventhough I slept early last night (12AM). That's not my normal routine. *Roxy wakes up* Its summer! No more classes! Goodbye sleepless nights due to the queeriest subject I've ever encountered.. Botany. Goodbye early morning sessions with my beloved books and notes. Goodbye to the everyday quizzes and school works. Goodbye.

As much as I hate to open this sensitive topic, I can't help myself. I am sad. Sad because of the fact that some of my closest friends have chosen to take different paths away from Medical Technology. I myself despise Medical Technology yet I've learned to love it somehow. But I can't do anything about it. I'm just a friend who can only support them in whatever they like and hope for their happiness. Prince and Nico.. I will miss you guys so much!

Today I found myself crying over a lost registration form and after that I had to deal with an online quiz in Trigonometry with unviewable choices and givens. Thanks to Matty. He gave me the choices.

Weee.

Hero is making me go crazy.

I received an unexpected txt message today and it was from him, Jez. *Kilig moments* Though he txtd me at 7pm and I replied late, like two hours after. Sorry, I hope you didnt mind. It was nice talking to you! After waiting for almost a century, God has answered my prayers! :)

I've talked the night away with my beloved friends Ta and Timmy! Wee! And I edited my skin. Look, its new! Hehe! :)

And today, I realized that "She who dreams can touch the stars." Tonight I've reached my star. Him. :)

Gnyt! :)

Down With The Medtech Syndrome

2005-03-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

Spending time online is my hobby, but I think I've shown withdrawal symptoms from this addiction of mine for the past two weeks. *Roxy wakes up* I'm a medtech student. That's the reality. And I can't change that fact. And I will stay as one for the next 3 years of my life. Good luck to me. As of now, I would have to leave my beloved blog for my last set of exams tomorrow. I'll get back to you guys as soon as I can. Promise. To my classmates, thanks in advance for a wonderful year! And to my 3rd year Medtech friends, congratulations! All the best to you! :)

Boredom's killing me.

2005-03-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. The moon and the stars are out. And I've got nothing to do on a lazy Sunday night. No one's online on my list. Or should I say I can't talk to anyone with sense. Yea.. I'm bored. Sleepless nights, due to my beloved course and to my late night talks with friends... That's all I've been dealing with these past few days.

Today's not much of a fun day for me. Oh wait, somehow it was pala.. I don't know if should be happy because after 3 days, Mong and I had the chance to talk again. Hah.. I think I should forget about what he has done and said to me before, nothing happened naman after all. Words are just words. Why fuss about it.

A friend of mine is really making my head turn. Hah! Whenever I'm serious, he ain't. And whenever he is, I'm not. I really don't know. Two different worlds. Two weirdos. But he is weirder. Who wouldn't want to love? Who wouldn't want to experience the joys and the happiness that it brings? I'm not saying that I love him too, but yea as of now, Its all in a blur.

My 6-year old cousin Janelle made me smile. She thought it was my birthday so she sang "Happy Birthday" for me in Chinese. Hihi. Cool huh? That Ican cousin of mine is really so sweet.

Finals week already. Haven't studied that much cause of some things of equal importance. Its really hard to sort things out.

Ugh.. Boredom is still here with me, still....

THE WORLD IS MY PLAYGROUND.

Amiss Angel

2005-03-12T23:10:00.000-08:00

I've been alone for quite some time
Praying for someone to love me even for a while
I didn't pray for an angel
But then you came, like a stranger
You made my days
Brighter in many ways
Everytime I'm with you
I never feel blue
In my heart you will always dwell
Feels like you have me under your spell
How terrific!
Is this magic?

How tragic..
My dream of
Being with you
Taking care of you
Growing old with you
Will never come true
Because I'll be growing old
Dreaming alone
Watching you..
Growing old..
Dreaming..
With her.

light bulb moments : amiss angel // created: March 12, 2005 //

Blog test.

2005-03-11T20:08:00.000-08:00

Test test test! Weeee! ^_*